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A gentle breeze stirred through the sanctuary; a simple relief in Cambodia where the humidity can be so unforgiving. It was 7:30am on a Sunday morning, and the church was alive with singing, the strumming of the base and the crashing of drums as the worship band played.

Sally, the pastor’s wife stood in the middle of the stage, singing into a headset and waving her arms to the motion of a Khmer worship song. Her singing voice and her speaking voice were so similar, that when Sally spoke to you, you could assume easily that she was a gifted singer. Her long black hair flowed in a long pony tail down her back, and her face dotted with perspiration, also shone of a radiance that undoubtedly came from within. It’s difficult to list all that this woman has put her hand to, surely clutching the hand of Jesus in her other. Aside from being Pastor Keat’s help mate, and co-director of this ministry, she is also the principal of the New Hope School for children. She has trained her own staff, as well as people from the country side so that they may plant their own Christian elementary schools. Every morning at church, she calls the children to come on stage so they she may teach them. The rest of the congregation just sits and listens to her message as the kids gather around her, like chicks around a hen. She is a mother, but not only to her own children. She has a tender heart and a transparency that I admire so much. She is ‘the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit’ whom the apostle Peter speaks about in his letter. She is precious in the sight of God. 
 
  Students trickle up the stairs as the service is about to begin. Although about ninety of them are already seated, many are absent. Since it is a holiday, many students take the opportunity to visit their family in the country side. I ran to the door beside two of the Khmer staff, to greet the last few groups of students, with my hands pressed together in a ‘sompah’ and the formal hello ‘joom reep sooah’. 


 Since we can’t understand Khmer yet, Josh and I bring books to read during the service. Josh paused from his ‘Facts about Luther’, and I put down ‘The Pastor’s Wife’ to join the church in taking communion. As I watched the plate of crackers and platter of grape juice go around, I saw that many took communion, but many didn’t. Such is the reality in a church where over 50% are unbelievers.

Today, a guest speaker preached instead of Pastor Keat. I scanned the congregation. There was a fine mixture of students, who attend the English school and pay for their classes by church attendance, and then those who are staff and those who make up the body of believers. A group of elderly women sat together happily clutching their Bibles, reminding me of church life in Canada.

At the end of the service I sprang into the crowds of youth, speaking with some of my students and trying to also meet  new faces. When you have white skin, it seems that there are those who run to you and those who run from you. Some of the Cambodians are confident in their English speaking and want to talk, while those who are just starting out in the ‘intro class’ are too shy and often watch from afar or duck past you,hiding in between their friends.
The bubbly girls who flocked around me were my Bible study students during our last trip to Cambodia. Some of them had even sent emails to me while I was in Canada. They were the faces of some of the youth who came here to learn English, and to their surprise, met Jesus. 
  
Today, I took out my laptop and showed a few of them how to sign up for their own email account. Josh and one of his students ventured off the compound to have lunch  at USA Donut, a small restaurant known for its delicious hamburgers and American food. 
  
Upon saying goodbye to the girls and heading into the house, I thought about how even life in Cambodia becomes normal. Before my first trip to Cambodia, I didn’t know that familiarity, routine and normality could exist for me in a third world country. But you’d be surprised by how you get know people, and could even become regulars in a store and restaurant, and then it feels just like every day life with all of it's familiarities. 
  
This morning I told Josh about a dream that I had the night before in which we left Cambodia for a short time and found ourselves back in Ontario. I described to him how upset I was in the dream, and how I worried about affording an apartment, and getting a job to pay for our ticket back to Cambodia where I so badly wanted to return to. Josh nodded as I told him this, smiling softly and then he said, I think to himself as much as to me, “We need to be content wherever we are.”
 
I nodded in return. We need to not be too quick to even claim Cambodia as our home, lest we are called by God to pick up and go. We do plan on settling somewhere to do long-term ministry but so far, we’re not ready to say where that is. While our focus is on Cambodia right now, we must be on guard that sentiment doesn’t come and hinder us from hearing the voice of God. For even Cambodia could feel like home where you have your friends, your favourite store, your kitchen and your little things. 

 I kicked off my sandals before entering the house. As I closed the door behind, me I contemplated what  I would do that afternoon. I could prepare my lesson for English class, work on the school’s website, begin learning the Khmer alphabet, and if I let myself add on, the list would grow and become more daunting. 

And then there was a relief that came just like that gentle breeze; I have a savior who lives and as He has brought me here, He is with me here. I owe nothing but to give myself to Him, and we shall see what is accomplished.
My home is in Jesus.
 
 
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          The shower in our room is a little room in itself; probably a little bigger than a closet. Usually a typical Cambodian bathroom includes a shower head and toilet in the same room and then a sink outside of the room. The shower is not incased by glass or shielded by a curtain, but open so when you take a shower in this bathroom, everything gets wet.

 But the set up in our room is a little different in the way that we have a little room with a toilet in it and then a separate little room with shower in it, and then a sink and mirror beside these rooms.

The water is cool which is refreshing after a hot day, although, there’s something about shaving in cold water that doesn’t work out as well as one would hope. Whenever I shower I tend to watch the drain beneath my feet, in which all that cold water is swishing down. The reason for this is because of past experiences in this shower during our last trip to Cambodia. There were a couple of times when I would be showering, and a black centipede would slither out of that drain. Nothing could have made me shoot out of that shower faster.

“Josh, there’s a centipede in there!” I’d exclaim to my husband who would be sitting nonchalantly on the bed reading.

“Well, you have some hard stuff in there like shampoo bottles, whack it with that,” he’d suggest.

“I don’t wanna be in there with that thing!” was my response. There’s something about standing there while a centipede squirms in the water moving toward my feet that makes me completely uneasy-to say the least!

Ultimately I’d stand outside the shower and fight with the little creature, splashing it down the drain, only for it wash up again, all of its little feet wiggling proudly. I’d take Josh’s advice and slam a shampoo bottle on it, breaking the centipede in 2 pieces and still the little creepy-crawly would live! I had never realized how resilient those things were before these water wars.

I put off cleaning the shower for a while, when I had picked up the scrub brush and the centipede crawled out of the brush and onto my hand.

One time, the centipede actually ran out of the shower, across the floor, and out of sight. It wasn’t until the next day when I was sitting on the bed, that I saw the little menace skitter across the floor. After throwing aside furniture and luggage, looking for the thing, I actually broke a wooden spatula smacking it over it over the centipede’s spindly body.

So far during these first few days back in Cambodia, I haven’t met with this little urchin, nor have I seen a rat or even a gecko yet, though yesterday when I was in the kitchen stirring up some curry on the stove, I did hear the Tockay gecko croaking its little lullaby outside the window.

I suppose if you travel somewhere tropical, you must be willing to accept the tropical creatures, to some point at least. But with that being said, my showers shall remain short ones.
 
 
This is the sermon which I preached at the Saturday night youth program on October 24:

Christianity can easily be mistaken as the remedy only for people with problems. We hear of a God who is full of compassion and mercy, and so it seems fair to point Him in the direction of the hurting and suffering, who we feel need Jesus the most. Perhaps we have a few difficulties, but those seem so small compared to our friend whose father is dying, and whose business is plummeting. Should we bother Jesus by asking for His love, while there are other people suffering so much, who could benefit from His time and love invested in them?

How about the people who seem to not have any problems? There are some people who glide through life very easily, without Jesus. They are successful and even in hard times; they persevere with a good attitude. Many people are able to quit smoking, drinking and other addictions just fine without the help of Jesus.

But even these seemingly lucky people, the suffering people and ourselves are all wracked with a problem. We all have the problem that we cannot get into Heaven. Even the successful person cannot get into Heaven on his own.

Psalm 14:1-3 describes how God concludes that there is no one who does good and no one who seeks after Him. Let’s think about someone we know who is always doing kind things for people. Maybe it’s a teacher or a friend from school. God looks at even that person and says that what they do is not good. God does not say this because He is mean, but because He sees the sinful heart of that person. We see someone’s actions and claim them as good, but when God looks for good, He looks into our hearts. Our outward actions cannot change our inward state. We have a sinful heart, which will always rule over any good deed we do.

We are all faced with a serious problem that goes deeper than the outward trials of everyday life, and lies within our hearts. We all have a sin problem. When the first man, Adam chose to sin, we inherited a sinful heart which pours out all the filthiness so opposed by God. Did anyone need to teach us how to lie or cheat? No, those things are very natural to us. We sin because we are sinners. Our heart delights in everything that God detests. This sin problem keeps us away from God and out of Heaven. Is this problem not more serious than that of not having enough to wear and to eat?

Our sin problem is so serious because it not only affects this life, but eternity. But how can we solve this problem? If God cannot commune with a sinful heart, then we need a new heart that is clean of sin. We need a new heart that is pure and that delights in God and holiness. Are we able to fetch a new heart for ourselves? Doesn’t it only make sense that the One who created us is the only One who can create a new heart inside of His creation?

God in His love and mercy has solved our sin problem. Being a father who is just and righteous, He required that sin be punished. God is not so careless and unloving that He would allow His children to do whatever they please void of any consequences. God sent His son Jesus to earth, and Jesus lived a life that was perfect and completely sinless. He was the perfect sacrifice. The eternal consequence for sin was thrust upon Jesus as He hung on the cross, receiving punishment and the wrath of God for our sins.

Jesus is available to come and dwell in our hearts. It is only the work of Holy Spirit that can show us the evilness of our sins. It is only the love of Holy Spirit that can move our hearts to lament over that sin and to desire to change; and this is repentance. And no sooner than we when repent, does God reveal to us that His love is able to change us.

When we agree that Jesus is our savior and that He paid the punishment for our sins, He Himself comes to live inside of us. Our sinful heart is no longer a problem for Jesus, who gives us a completely clean heart that is new and full of Him. Our heart is no longer run by sin, but is cared for and governed by Holy Spirit, who is the very spirit of our holy God. When we once had a sinful heart we were plagued by our sin problem, and it was very easy and simple to sin. When Holy Spirit invades our being, we are given a new nature and it becomes difficult to sin.

If we disagree about the free gift of salvation that God has given us, we are actually insisting that we take the punishment ourselves, and so we destine ourselves to Hell. We continue to live with our sin problem that keeps us away from God and out of Heaven, even though God has provided the solution.

And so the choice is ours today. We know now that everyone needs Jesus because everyone has sin problem. Will we continue to live with this problem, or will we take the solution that God has provided?
 
 
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greenery grows out of the concrete of the church
It felt very natural to be driving down the busy streets of Phnom Penh again. Drivers on mopeds where weaving every which way, and store owners sat outside their shops looking bored and hot on this Friday morning. Sally Kove had picked us up from the airport, after a string of flights which were smooth (well expect for one bouncy landing) but unavoidably long and tiring.

Our sleepiness was put aside quickly when we reached the church property and were met by cheering children and staff. As we stepped out of the car, the kids pranced to us, calling our names and flinging their arms around us. I embraced them with a sense of relief just to be back and see their beautiful faces and already stand and witness some of their silliness and of course sweetness, during those first few minutes. Josh and I reunited with the teachers, and saw amongst them many new faces as well. Pastor Keat was also there to greet us and welcome us back.

Josh and I went into the house and threw our bags into our room (which is the same room that we lived in before) and headed off to the mall to do some grocery shopping. We pretty much wasted no time. We bought groceries and then surprised the girls at the DVD store. These girls whom we’ve gotten to know and build a relationship with, weren’t sure when we were returning, so it was a complete surprise for them to see us suddenly. After they got over their shock which for most Cambodians translates into a fit of giggles, we caught up with one another and hung out for a little while.

After we got home, we unpacked our bags and arranged our room, organizing our things on wicker shelves. Josh happily unpacked his large stash of coffee, and I pulled out my hair dryer, straightening iron and curling iron, which I had toted in my backpack for the trip, making for a heavy carry-on. The familiar sounds of the Kove’s dogs barking, people conversing in Khmai and the squealing and knocking of rickety vehicles, created a sort of back ground music, as we folded clothes, opened zip lock bags and recreated our little home within that room.

Tiredness began to hit us like a train, but we hung out with some of the students from the English school before class time began. That night we had dinner upstairs with Pastor Keat and Sally, their 11-year old daughter Hannah, and a couple named Mike and Nicki who we actually met last time we were here. They are from Hawaii and so they know the Pastor and his family, from when the Koves once lived there, and now the couple comes on short-term trips to the ministry to help with the English school.

We ate fried chicken and fries, which the Koves had asked their cook to prepare, in a thoughtful effort to ease Josh and I back into the Khmer food, along with rice and vegetables. Josh and I hit the pillow hard that night only to wake at 5AM and find that we couldn’t sleep anymore.

The next day, we went to the market and invested in a kettle and blender, and as I type this with wet hair, I just discovered that I’ll need a new hair dryer due to the high voltage of the one I brought. Pastor Keat invited me to preach at the youth program, and so I spoke about how although some people appear to not have any problems; we have all been born with a sin problem that we cannot fix, but God has provided the only solution in the saving power of Jesus.

Today is church and the rooster outside has long since crowed, and soon many students will be arriving for worship in the newly renovated sanctuary.

I thank God that He has opened the door for us to come back to Cambodia and continue working toward the vision of this ministry, which God has tenderly and faithfully put His hand upon. The days may be hot, the fruit may be slow, the work may be hard, the language may be difficult, but I’m confident in the faithfulness of God that we will experience the sustaining power and joy of His grace.
 
 
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Josh and I with our niece Malone and nephew Brennan
A long flight can be a good opportunity to: catch up on reading, listen to music and sermons on your IPod, journal, watch movies, etc. However, it’s no shock that sleeping on an airplane is an uncomfortable venture, even with the little pillow and blanket provided for you. Josh and I spent our 18 hour long flight from New York to Taipei, listening to sermons, reading and trying to sleep. Unfortunately movies were not a happening thing on this flight, which is too bad  since international flights usually give me the excuse to gorge on all the new releases.
I do have to admit that I look forward to the food. I like when the stewardess tells me the two options of supper (e.g. beef with noodles or pork with rice), and then passes me the cute little tray with the piping hot roll on it. I would compare the taste of airplane meals, to eating last night's dinner leftovers, which I have no problem with at all, and especially considering that these meals would be a luxury to many living in this world.
With an incredibly smooth landing, it was a great relief to get off the plane. China airlines had arranged a hotel room for us at City Suites, where we actually got upgraded and received vouchers for the buffet. We wanted to see the Taipei 101 sky scraper (currently the highest building in the world). It was only morning and we weren't to leave to Cambodia until early next morning. But we decided not to go to the tower on account that the taxi farei was very expensive. It was also raining and the city was covered in a thick haze which surely would have compromised the view. So what did we do instead? Josh poured himself into transferring tons of photos onto our website, and I took a long nap. Each of us reclined on our own queen size bed.
Tomorrow morning we will be in Cambodia. It’s hard to believe that before I know it I will be surrounded by the beautiful and funny little students of the New Hope elementary school and reunited with our young adult English students. There are so many things that I’m looking forward to; maybe the most is sitting down and talking with Pastor Keat and Sally (the founders and directors of Cambodia Mission Outreach) whom I admire greatly, and getting caught up on everything that’s been taking place. I imagine that soon our schedule will be full and we will be very busy again; but there is a joy in this busyness knowing that our work expounds beyond this world and into eternity.
So tonight, Taiwan, and tomorrow, Phnom Penh; where we begin anew. Your presence is all we need, Jesus.
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Pastor Keat and Sally, and their daughter Hannah
 
Season of Change 10/09/2009
 
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The red leaves, maroon coloured clay and delicious potatoes of PEI continue to make my visit to the island a savory treat to my senses. I've never regretted that Josh and I plan our visits to the east, in the fall season.
My in-laws continue to be amazing as they continue to go above and beyond, helping Josh and I fundraise for Cambodia. We'll be flying out of Halifax on the 20th. Josh and I couldn't be happier to return to Cambodian Mission Outreach. We've valued the time that we spent working at Double H Ranch and visiting our family and friends in North America, but five months has been a long furlough for us. We are antsy to return to the ministry and continue serving and plowing away, knowing that this desire has been deposited and entrusted to us by Jesus, and He continues to call us each day to serve Him.
 I do feel quite blessed to be able to look at my life and feel so passionate about what I'm doing. When it comes to the end of my life, I want so badly to be able to look back on my life and see that I have no regrets. I want to know that I said 'yes' to God, and did what I could with what He gave me. It might seem like a tall ambition, and I guess it is, but to think of living any other way scares me. I think we so easily stack up wishes and longings that are never fulfilled, and to us this has become normal instead of devastating. I figure that God’s faithfulness leaves me with no excuses.
Coming up, Josh and I have some engagements with good friends, dinners with family, and get togethers with our pastors.
Although the new believers at Cambodia lay in the forefront of our minds, there’s great wisdom in the advice to not look so far ahead that the opportunities at present are missed.
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Josh and I spent a beautiful autumn morning at Charmayne’s daycare, where we were invited to talk with the children about Cambodia. We’ve certainly been privileged to frequent this cute spot over the past couple of years where we could sow seed into young hearts. 
The little ones gathered and we used the map on the wall to refresh their memories of where South East Asia is, and of our trip to Cambodia. The photographs supplied illustrations of our trip, as we showed them tuk-tuks overloaded with bananas, mysterious faced etched in ancient temples, wooden houses on stilts, and the smiling faces of children much like them, yet living in a very different kind of world. We wrapped up our talk with the children by inviting them to choose a handmade Cambodian bracelet from amongst a small pile that we brought home with us from our trip.
In the spirit of fall, we joined Charmayne and the children in a nature walk which involved collecting chestnuts and bright red and orange splashed leaves. To say that Charmayne is amazing with kids is an obvious understatement. I always enjoy our visits to the daycare, and I look forward to seeing more of our cousin’s children in the days to come.
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